Red Delicious apples

Red Delicious apples... This is a misnomer. Red? Yes. Delicious? Certainly not. The name is deliberately deceptive. The first word gains your trust in the description of this apple. Anyone can clearly see the apple is red. So its only natural to assume that it must be as delicious as it is red. But the second word is a lie. Which means that this name was given, not by a Red Delicious apple grower seeking to increase his fortunes, but by a rival fruit. A entirely different class of fruit, not another variety of apple. This was done to draw attention away from apples altogether by the novice fruit-eater so that the offending fruit could increase his chances of being eaten. But why does it choose to be eaten? It must be a depressed, self-loathing fruit. A fruit who would wantonly trick the fruit neophyte into believing that if the Red Delicious is delicious by apple standards, then the Gala, McIntosh, Fiji, et al., must all be even less delicious. And its golden cousin, the Golden Delicious? Well, it certainly pleases the palate far better than that mealy Red husk of a fruit. But its not the gold standard (pun not intended) of apple colors.
Did you know that the Red Delicious amongst worm circles are actually known as "The Red Death" because so many troupes of worms have died due to malnutrition on a diet of aesthetically pleasing but entirely grotesque Red Delicious apple tree orchards? We need to stop the starvation of fruit worms, and return the hopes and dreams of fruit novices everywhere. We must rename the Red Delicious to something else. But what? Red Fiber Fruits. Red Crunchies - Sugar Free. Apple Yawns. Non-specific Tasteless Fruit. These are my ideas. I ask for yours.